heyy you, yea you

it's 7:30 and you should call.
i'm counting on it.
and i know i shouldn't see you tonight, cause chances are we'll kiss and hold hands, and i don't even know how i feel about you, and that's kinda like, dishonest, you know?
but i know i'll never totally be over you, must be nice having that kinda power over me huh? and the thing is i don't even mind. but you're not really letting me move on.
it's not like i haven't dated other guys and all you know, but i always fall back on you. you're reliable, which i hear is like a good quality and shit, but i'd much rather you weren't, cause without you there, i could bother with building up actual relationships with other guys. and being the attention craving whore i am, i need to flaunt it. but you don't waaaanna. well why the fuck not? i'm totally on a higher level than you, admit it, so it's not like you'll be embarrassed or anything.
funny that's what i'm scared of.
maybe i won't kiss you, being a tease is more fun anywayyys. (:
eff not having hardly any selfcontrol.
see you soon, or at least i hope so despite everything.
xxx